“i. the earthquake the day he left,
my world crumbled;
as i lay sobbing in the rubble
of everything i’d ever loved,
i looked up to the sky and begged god to tell me why. i stopped believing that day. ii. the first aftershock
my heart was numb
and repairs had just begun
when a new man approached. i melted into his touch,
pleading that he make me
feel something. i never did, and we never spoke again. iii. the second aftershock
i had good and bad days,
but the good ones started outnumbering the bad;
that’s when i met him. he looked at me sincerely
and spoke eloquently like in an old-fashioned love letter,
but he was far too perfect to be true. i wanted to love him
but i was still building up
a new foundation,
and i decided he wouldn’t be
there when the structure was finished. i see him sometimes from a distance. iv. the last aftershock
the dark clouds that had rained
down upon me for months disappeared from sight. sometimes i dreamt of
the initial disaster;
it haunted me only
at my weakest moments. another man waltzed in to
rob me of my heart. he charmed me with
well-timed compliments,
unparalleled intelligence,
and occasional awkwardness. for a moment, i considered giving in to him,
but i stood tall and remembered
that i didn’t need anyone else
to give me strength. i walked away. v. the calm
after a year and a half of aftershocks,
everything ceased. i could listen to songs
that reminded me of the quake
and reread my happy poems
from the months leading up to it. i learned how to love myself,
and, then, i met another man. this one understood my suffering;
he’d been through the same. he accepted that i was slow to trust,
and he was always considerate. he was too cautious sometimes,
but his hands never graced my body before i was ready. his words were never eloquent,
but he didn’t manipulate me. he was never a genius,
but he was naturally talented
at everything. he left me speechless. he still leaves me speechless.”
“I don’t regret loving you. But your love came with a lot of pain and a lot of hurt. I lost count of all the times I cried myself to sleep. I lost count of all the time I made you upset. We made wonderful memories together but we also caused each other a great deal of heartache and headaches. Along the way we lost each other in the twists and turns we were not expecting. If I could go back to the day I met you, I would never have crossed the street to say hello, not because I regretted meeting you or loving you but because I would have saved us from a great deal of suffering this loved caused us.”
